The Remains of a Poet

The way I will totally prepare to go to class - pack my bag, brush my teeth, put on my shoes, etc. - and then decide, 'Eh, screw it,' as I am turning to lock my door is probably one of my favorite things about senioritis.

Um, so I kind of got 101% on my Linguistics test. Yay!

Seriously, this is a huge deal for me because that class is basically like one giant WTF? moment for me, although it's not always for the same reason. Like, half the time the professor is like, "To turn a declarative sentence into a yes/no question, move the auxiliary to the front of the sentence," and I'm like, WTF, I know, because I grew up speaking English; is this first grade? But then the other half of the time the professor is like, "Okay everyone, do a tree diagram of a passive sentence," and everyone starts diagraming, and I'm like, WTF is a tree diagram? Should I know this? Are they having secret class sessions without me?

But, as I was telling my mom, apparently knowing what's going on isn't really important in this class because it really isn't holding me back. Because, yeah, 101% on the first exam. Which is just kind of awesome.

So finals? Actually going a lot better than I would expect, all things considered. I mean, I already have two out of four papers written, which for me is pretty amazing. All credit, of course, is due to my amazing and awesome roommate, who dragged me to Starbucks and wouldn't stop giving me disappointed looks until I cracked and actually started doing homework. What did I ever do without her, seriously?

Of course, I also spent an hour today that I was supposed to be working on a paper writing fanfic. Because of course I can never be inspired when I have plenty of leisure time, but only during the most stressful times of the school year, like midterms and finals. I really like what I wrote, though, only it's from Ron's POV, and I've never written him before (I generally stay from Trio fics in general because there's so much canon stuff), and I'm worried I've made him too introspective. But it is set a good few years after he's had kids, so I figure it's not that much of a stretch. At least, I hope so. And come 12:30 Thursday, I will be FREE for three whole weeks, and I'll be able to fine tune it and stuff. So now I just need to survive until then.

Dear Muse,

While I appreciate you showing up again after your six month sabbatical, it actually would have been nice if you'd waited until after midterms to come back.

I really don't have time to focus on character development and sibling dynamics, much as I wish I did. I have seven papers and two midterms to write, plzkthnxbye. Yes, I kind of want to kill myself, but you are not helping!

Love and frustration,
Trinity

Argh, I am so fucking frustrated right now!

See, I have to write this research paper on Jane Eyre. Which is fine, whatever, because there are actually a ton of resources on Jane Eyre, except none of them are about what I want to write about and I don't actually agree with any of them. Because I really don't care what a bunch of academics say, Jane Eyre isn't a feminist novel, it's a stupid story about stupid people being stupid about the stupid problems they have because they're stupid! That's how I feel, and no number of articles arguing otherwise is going to change my mind.

Okay, so Jane refuses to be Rochester's mistress. Bully for her. You know, he's only tried to trick her into bigamy because, to paraphrase, "I knew if I told you the truth, you wouldn't marry me, and I wanted to marry you because I love you so much, so I didn't tell you the truth, but now that it's come out accidentally, even though I tried to trick you into doing something I knew you wouldn't want to do, will you be my mistress anyway?" And then when she refuses, he physically assaults her. Yeah, I can't imagine why she runs away from him after that. </ sarcasm>

Having said that, when she does run away, she does it in the most idiotic way possible. Yeah, I get that she doesn't have time to contact her uncle or gather money or whatever, but at least take your jewelry to hock along the way. My god, woman, do you have any idea how to be fugitive? What the hell is your plan?

And then - and then - she finds these long lost cousins (and let's not even get into how convenient that is) and her guy cousin is a total controlling asshole, and she lets him control her. "Oh, I want to learn German but you want me to learn Hindustani even though that will be of absolutely no use to me in the life I've planned for myself? Guess I'll learn Hindustani then." Wow, what a strong, independent woman! </ sarcasm> And the only reason she doesn't give in to said asshole cousin's demand that she marry him and become a missionary with him (and in the proposal he not only insults her in every possible manner but attempts to emotionally blackmail her by telling her she'll be damned to hell if she doesn't do what he says)? Because she hears the voice of Rochester! That's right, she doesn't give in to one manipulative bastard because the hold of another is stronger! Hurrah for women being able to think for themselves! (And that's not even talking about how afterward she hopes her bastard cousin will forgive her, even though she has nothing to be forgiven for and he should be the one begging her for forgiveness!)

And then she goes back to Rochester and immediately starts back into referring to him, even in her head, as her "master", which is way creepy, and he's all, "Why did you run away? I know I said I would break you in half if you didn't comply with my demands, but I only said it because I'm so in love with you! Of course I would never hurt you (even though I totally did)! I was so worried about you! Why didn't you just trust me?!?!" Oh gee, I can't imagine! Maybe because you tried to trick her into bigamy? I mean, just possibly. Also, great, so in real life, Rochester is totally the guy who beats his wife and then cries about it and blames it on her. Awesome. Yeah, this one epic love story right here! </ sarcasm>

And you know what? I get it. I get that it's fiction, which means when Rochester says he's reformed, he probably has. But in real life, that doesn't happen. In real life, Rochester is so very much the guy you don't want to date. I can make that distinction, but a lot of people can't, and it disturbs me. It's what disturbs me about Twilight and The Notebook and a lot of other "Epic Love Stories" that in real life would be very bad news. And it's why I have a problem with Jane Eyre being held up as this paragon of feminism when in real life we'd probably be trying to get her into counseling for Battered Wife Syndrome ASAP.

But the most frustrating part is that I can't write any of that for my research paper because I can't find any research that fucking agrees with me! Because everyone thinks Jane Eyre is this amazing feminist declaration. And you know what? It isn't!

Dear Guys Across the Alley,

Die in a fire.


(Obviously please don't actually die in a fire, because I will feel terrible, but maybe use your guitars and bongo drums as kindling next time you have a beach bonfire or something? Also, dudes, you cannot sing! Please spare the world and give up now.

Also, any time after 11PM is NOT an appropriate time to play guitar and wailsing with your patio door/windows open, regardless of whether or not you possess any actual talent. Yes, I will continue to call Public Safety on you until you stop, and no, I don't care if you think I'm a bitch.)

My Day Thus Far:

- get up
- catch up with roommates
- go on a walk
- take shower
- eat breakfast
- start laundry
- go to chapel
- throw laundry in dryer
- do homework
- fold laundry
- remake bed
- clean room
- go to class
- go to library
- go to lunch

Things I Still Must Accomplish Before Bed:

- homework
- grading


Just to point out, everything before 'go to class' happened before noon. Because I'm awesome like that. Despite this, why does that list make it look like I've had a totally productive day, but I still feel like I've accomplished nothing? To wit:

My Remaining Homework for Tomorrow:

- read 50 pages in The God of Small Things
- read essay on Shakespeare's Richard III
- write two page paper summarizing essay
- read "The Clerk's Tale" from The Canterbury Tales
- read six chapters of Jane Eyre

Also, for the grading, not only are there forty-eight people in that class, it's apparently that magical time of year again when the professor I grade for decides that I no longer need to a key to assist me. Or rather, for an eleven question quiz, the "key" he provided me with consists of a mini post-it note that reads "#10 = heartache". Oh, okay then. And the answers for 1-9 and 11 I will magically know on my own. See, the problem is that he never gave me keys last year, and I still had them graded within a week and none of his students ever complained about their quiz grades, so he thinks it's fine. I mean, I never gave him any reason to think it actually was a problem for me not to have keys, so he doesn't see a need to give them to me. And now I've set myself up as too awesome to be able to go ask for them. In other words, it doesn't actually pay to be awesome at your job.

Right. Doing that huge pile of homework now.

 Dear People Who Sit Next To Me And Whisper Random Comments,

75% of the time, I have absolutely no idea what you just said to me.  I'm only nodding and laughing because 95% of the time, that's the response you're looking for.

Please either enunciate and speak louder, or shut up.  Your choice.

Dear Guys Across the Alley,

I think it's awesome that you all like to hang out together. I think it's awesome that you're musically inclined. I think it's awesome that you all play instruments.

However, just because I think it's awesome, it doesn't mean I want to listen to you play and sing the same five songs over and over again for five and a half fucking hours! Especially when your apartment band includes a tambourine and cowbell but no people who can, you know, actually sing on key for any significant amount of time. I mean, I actually like Matt Nathanson's 'Come On Get Higher' and Jason Mraz's 'I'm Yours' and Lifehouse's 'You and Me' and Maroon 5's 'This Love' and The Killers' 'Mr. Brightside' ... when they're the ones singing. You guys singing those songs ... not so much.

Also, five and a half straight hours. That's like, sixty-six minutes per song. Seriously, this is what you guys do for fun?

Please look into getting a television and Wii like normal college students.

Love,
Your very annoyed and unfortunately not deaf neighbor