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Dec. 1st, 2008 04:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trinsySo I spent Thanksgiving with Kira and her family, and you know what? It was fun and fantastic, and I could not love her family more. Her family is so fun and funny and just nice to me, and I love them all, from her crazy grandma to her sarcastic little brother. But I was really struck by something yesterday morning as we were driving to brunch that has a lot to do with her family, but not just her family.
We were driving to brunch, and her dad asked if we should go to Cheesecake Factory or some other place I’ve never heard of, and Kira was like, “Well, that other place is really expensive.” And her dad said, “Nothing is too expensive for my girls.”
And that hurt a little, because even though that’s really sweet of him, the truth is, I’m not “his girl”, but more than that, I’m not anyone’s “girl”, and I never was, and I’m never going to be. Kira’s ringtone for her dad is ‘I Loved Her First’. I don’t have that. I’ve never had that. I was born not going to have that. And that sucks.
We went to her brother’s football game over the weekend, and we had to stay in a hotel with his team, and her brother forbid her from swimming with the team because he didn’t want them making comments about her. And she complained about how “overprotective” he is, and I really wanted to be like, “You know, at least you have someone who cares enough to be ‘overprotective’.”
Over the summer, I stayed with my uncle for about a month, and his girlfriend bought me this tank top, and he was like, “You can’t go outside in just that!” And I laughed, and rolled my eyes, and said he was just being overprotective … but honestly? It felt really nice. It felt really nice to have someone actually care about how guys were looking at me. It felt really nice to have someone want to protect my modesty or virtue or whatever.
This is something I have such a hard time with, because I totally believe in the independence and self-sufficiency of women, and that they don’t need to be protected, and all of that. But the truth is, I’m that way because I had to be that way. I had to take care of myself, I had to protect myself, because there was never anyone else to do it. I didn’t have a dad; I didn’t have brothers. I never chose to be an independent woman. I was born an independent woman. And you know what? That’s awesome. But sometimes I see what Kira has and … a part of me aches for that. It just does.
And I hate that.
We were driving to brunch, and her dad asked if we should go to Cheesecake Factory or some other place I’ve never heard of, and Kira was like, “Well, that other place is really expensive.” And her dad said, “Nothing is too expensive for my girls.”
And that hurt a little, because even though that’s really sweet of him, the truth is, I’m not “his girl”, but more than that, I’m not anyone’s “girl”, and I never was, and I’m never going to be. Kira’s ringtone for her dad is ‘I Loved Her First’. I don’t have that. I’ve never had that. I was born not going to have that. And that sucks.
We went to her brother’s football game over the weekend, and we had to stay in a hotel with his team, and her brother forbid her from swimming with the team because he didn’t want them making comments about her. And she complained about how “overprotective” he is, and I really wanted to be like, “You know, at least you have someone who cares enough to be ‘overprotective’.”
Over the summer, I stayed with my uncle for about a month, and his girlfriend bought me this tank top, and he was like, “You can’t go outside in just that!” And I laughed, and rolled my eyes, and said he was just being overprotective … but honestly? It felt really nice. It felt really nice to have someone actually care about how guys were looking at me. It felt really nice to have someone want to protect my modesty or virtue or whatever.
This is something I have such a hard time with, because I totally believe in the independence and self-sufficiency of women, and that they don’t need to be protected, and all of that. But the truth is, I’m that way because I had to be that way. I had to take care of myself, I had to protect myself, because there was never anyone else to do it. I didn’t have a dad; I didn’t have brothers. I never chose to be an independent woman. I was born an independent woman. And you know what? That’s awesome. But sometimes I see what Kira has and … a part of me aches for that. It just does.
And I hate that.
