trinsy | (no subject)

A little over two years ago, I found some of my old writings and consequently wrote this entry. In it I made the point that I thought what I was writing at the time (Canis Majoris) was good but I was worried that in a few years I would realize it wasn't good. Yesterday I decided to reread CM for the first time in ... well, a long time, and it turns out that that was a pretty valid fear because I found that the whole thing is pretty rubbish, to be honest. It's all rather cliched, and it's quite annoying how Peter's character is never really developed, and the emotions are way over the top, and someone please teach me how to properly use a comma, and wow, could I use more italics?

But the great thing about finding all that out is that it didn't really distress me the way rereading People Change did two years ago. I mean, I sort of realized that yeah, it's rubbish, but honestly, writing Canis Majoris was one of the best experiences of my life to date, just in terms of how much I learned and how much it helped me through a pretty rough time in my life. And it's also pretty awesome to look back and see how far I've come in just two years. I don't know, maybe it's taking a Creative Writing class, or maybe it's experiencing real personal loss and realizing that people who go through that don't actually act ... well, the way I had them act in CM, but wow, I really don't write like I used to, and that's really, really great. But I also wrote a 151 single-spaced page story when I was fifteen/sixteen, and that's really amazing too.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that yeah, I wrote 151 pages of rubbish, but I'm so, so glad I did. And I'm also really excited because I'm really starting to feel that I'm almost ready to write The Power of Will, and I've been waiting to write The Power of Will since before I started CM; I've been waiting to write it since I was fifteen. And when you've been waiting for over three years to be ready to write something, it is really, really elating to know that you're on the brink of actually getting to write it.